Ah yes, we own a trailer! Rather like Desi and Lucy we were ignorant on what all that truly meant!
We sign the papers, held out our eager palms and await the keys dangling above to drop. The feeling of those keys, you remember that first car.....I know you do! No one forgets that moment.....roller coaster thrills course through your stomach......it's mine! Then of course comes the roller coaster drop.......the add on! The very nice sales men takes into the show room.....yes they have those too :) inside is all the things every new trailer owner wants and maybe doesn't need but we don't know that yet!
I am Lucy! Oohhing and aahhing over every item. "I'm sure we need these awning lights! Oh and that cure sign to hang by the door!" Then comes the BIG TICKET item......sway bars and trailer brakes! Now if you have seen the movie, 'The Long, Long Trailer', you will remember a glazed eye'd Desi trying to remember the trailer brakes! Rob had that look, as the guys tried to explain why we needed sway bars and those trailer brakes....sweat began to break out. I knew we were in trouble! Wisely putting down my armload of accessories, I walk over to hear the sales pitch on sway bars. After hearing about wind movement and semi trailers swaying your vehicle I couldn't get those bars fast enough! Who knew there was so many options in towing packages!
We arranged to have the towing features installed and left. The balloon of excitement now deflated....what were we thinking! Hauling 28' of trailer behind our car, that would be loaded full of Poodles.............we must be certifiable! At least that is what my husband, like Desi thought!
The day arrived.....tow package installed....check. Now onto the class of 'How to do......everything trailer 101!' I wisely brought our video camera to record everything, lest we forget some important item. We also brought, our son.....the techie guy to help!
Roll camera................class begins. I had a list of questions after watching you tube videos....smugly I thought I was prepared! NOT! We start inside the trailer with the panel that shows tank levels, then onto fuses, how to drain the pipes, use the air & heat, TV antenna, DVD, Radio......he lost me at fuses! Outside, it really got complicated! Hot water tank valves, gas or electric, yada, yada......he was sounding like Charlie Brown's Mom to my ears! "Woah..woah.."
It got really bad.....'Desi bad', when it came to backing up the car hooking up the trailer and those dang sway bars! Rob's eyes reminded me of those cartoons with the big white eyes in a dark cave! No REALLY! I knew better then to try to talk to him at this point, it just wasn't going that well. He made about 5 approaches to the trailer and was off every time........finally we had touch down! He and Hobs (our son) hooked up the trailer to the car via instructions from our salesman now instructor. "Okay," he says "Now take it for a drive".............OMG was he kidding! Rob looked at me with .....terror in his eyes. We all climb into the SUV with the 'instructor' in the front seat with Rob. We had laughed so hard at Desi in that movie........now it didn't seem so funny!
We slowly pull out of the lot and on to the street..............in the back seat I am praying.....no really I am! He takes Rob down a dead end road where he practices those trailer brakes and backing up. After 15 minutes of practice, the instructor announces "okay, that's it!". He gets out and we are on our own. We all just sit in the SUV, looking back at that 28 foot monster behind us......I can safely say we all wondered if we would make it home in one piece.
That was the slowest, most stressful journey home! No one spoke......those darn trailer brakes kept jerking the whole car and trailer. People honked at us as we crawled the 50 miles back to home. Rob's blood pressure, had I been able to take it, was at stroke level! Just as we pulled into our town, we felt a sigh of relief......the worst was behind us! We were all alive and we had DONE it!
Let me just say that the statement above was way, way premature! In our ignorance is bliss moment.....we had forgotten that the trailer had to be BACKED into our driveway; which is on a very busy street! As we approached home......you could see light bulbs above each of our heads going off......driveway! Rob pulled the trailer over and Hobs and I got out to direct traffic. The neighbors began to collect on their lawns and front porches. I seriously thought they were going to get out the popcorn and lawn chairs! Now, my blood pressure is rising......nothing like having an audience in your most vulnerable moments! Desi, took out Rose bushes and a trellis in the backing the trailer scene of the movie..........What was Rob going to do!
Rob made his approach, swung the trailer toward the drive entrance and then away (just as he was taught), pulled up and then began backing. I was in the driveway, trying to direct him. I really needed an orange vest and flashlights like they use at the airport for guiding planes....that trailer looked the size of a 727 to me! Off the edge of the drive the tires go! I'm yelling "STOP!" "STOP!" as the trailer tilts to one side! Rob pulls forward again. Now remember we have, neighbors watching and traffic stopped and let me tell you those folks in the cars, were none to happy! Rob tries again, same result. At this the people in the cars are really steamed! I walk up to the car and suggest, in my sweetest voice, that maybe he should go around the block and try again!
Off Rob goes and a stream of cars passes us, glaring like we had held them up from winning the lottery! Rob has to make about 3 trips around the block before he is able to get that big ole' trailer lined up and finally makes it into the driveway. What is interesting is the neighbors don't come over until AFTER our Dutchman is asleep in the drive! Then they have all kinds of suggestions! Really! I had a few suggestions of my own, but managed to keep them inside of me, while I gave my poor hubby a big "Rah, Rah" cheer of encouragement.
That night, with the trailer tucked away, we sat and watched one more time.....'The Long, Long Trailer'. This time that movie had a whole new significance! Lucy and Desi......move over here comes Karen and Rob!